Something to Do...

Continuing with the theme of raising kids and encouraging them and making the most of your time with them, today I will talk about Something [worthwhile] to Do. To read the blog about Something to Love, please go here and for the beginning of this topic you can go here; Real Moms, Shepherding your Flock .

You can best serve your children by teaching them service. They can be taught to do chores that help the family. I truly believe doing chores helps build self esteem.

Children should be taught Magnanimity- Generosity or nobility of mind or greatness of spirit. Brought about by high thinking and lowly living. The child learns to think great thoughts, but is also generous to overlook insult or injury. He is not too good to do lowly chores.

Practically, this can be taught by:

• Learning to share when it is hard
• Teaching about Jesus--serving and humility
  

In addition to teaching magnanimity, children are born with a natural curiosity. They need to be fed with ideas so they have worthwhile things to think about. Some ideas along this line:

• acting out historical events
  
• pretending to be historical characters
  
• draw and collect things having to do with nature: rocks, leaves, bugs, etc.
• learn to identify birds, flowers, weeds and so forth [a bird feeder and a field guide can be a lot of help]--I like the Peterson series.
  
• listen to great music and learn to identify composers and/or instruments
• learn to identify great art works
• do some gardening
• making doll clothes
  
• woodworking
• make and perform a play or puppet show
• helping younger sibling to get dressed, put away toys
• have picnics
• teach child to make a simple lunch
• sweep floors
  
• raise children to appreciate God's creation
• have child plan and carry out a tea party
  
• have child making something for the family such as a wooden door stop, or pot holder
• keep the porch swept and clean
• Playing marbles or hop scotch--games that require thinking and coordination and cooperation
  
• and so on and so on...

I think you get the idea. Get away from the TV and the video games--give the child real things to do-real things to imitate. Have them learn great things like art and music and nature study-yet be willing to do humble things like helping a younger

[Kari weaving on a popcycle loom]
sibling, cleaning the toilet, etc. Keep the idea of magnanimity in mind and you can't go wrong. Something important to do-isn't that what we all want? To do something important?

Some books I recommend for young children for art and music appreciation...

Child Nature Book I Like
Animals in Art
Enjoying Art with Children
Bernstein Favorites [music appreciation]
Childs Book of Art

Something to Love...

I talked last time about Real Moms and how to shepherd the flock God has entrusted to you.

• So, we need to shepherd and lead our children
• Not lording it over them
• Be eager to serve and an example to our flock

Where do we start in our desire to raise our children to be thoughtful men and women of God? I mentioned that I love the book A Charlotte Mason Companion by Karen
[our new puppy Lucky-1992] Andreola. This is a very readable book that boils down much of the educational philosophy of Charlotte Mason. And I think a lot of her philosophy can help us in shepherding our children.

I love Charlotte Mason's ideas. You can find out more of her philosophy by going to Simply Charlotte. com According to the website, "Charlotte Mason was a British educator who lived in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Her method, the Charlotte Mason method, is centered around the idea that education is three-pronged: Education is an Atmosphere, a Discipline, a Life."

She believed that each day children needed:

• Something to love
• Something to do [worthwhile]
• Something to think about

Our children are not our pets. They are individuals created in the image of God and on loan to us. They are not our possessions. As such, they need to have their own responsibilities, jobs and duties to do while they are children in order to prepare them to be adults.

The thing to love could be family members. Part of the point of making sure a child has a thing to love is that the child will learn to take responsibility for another living being. This will help them to not be selfish.

The thing to love and care for could be a pet. It could be a neighbor that they visit and take some responsibility for--perhaps bringing in the neighbor's mail or taking over treats or just spending time with them. Providing acts of service for those who they love should be a goal your strive for as soon as a child is old enough, perhaps by 3 or 4.

By doing for others a child learns to do things for himself, to be aware of the needs of others, to not be self centered--- but other centered.
[Dusty reading to Kari and Scott-and act of service]

Who among us has not seen a child who wants to protect his baby sister, or who teaches his dog to sit and shake? These things are vital to forming their personalities and priorities in a positive way.

Next time we will look at Something Worthwhile to Do, and in the mean time, I would encourage you to think about how you can encourage your child to do acts of service and to have something to love every day.

Chores and Self Esteem...

I have a theory that kids who have chores have better self esteem. I can't prove it, but I think I can make a case for it.

Everyone needs to be needed and feel they have value. I mean, think about it. Think of the little child that has learned how to feed the dog or fold a towel. They are so proud, they want to tell everyone what they have done. Now, think about the retiree who dies 6 months after he retires. This happens a lot and I have read over and over again how this happens to people whose whole identity is tied to their work. No work-no reason to live.

Work is good.

Inherent in everyone is the desire to be needed, to count, to matter. And work is a big part of this. Now I don't mean you have to get a job. Honestly, there are enough jobs around the house to provide a goodly amount of work. And with work, comes a feeling of being needed and self esteem.

Consider two children-about 4-6 years old. The first child has most things done for him. Oh, he might dress himself and make his own bed, but beyond that, he is entertained and doted on by his parents. They wash his clothes, make his food, wash his dishes, take him where he wants to go--he is the little "master" of the house and the parents work hard to provide him a happy, care-free childhood.

It sounds nice, but this child is more of a pet than a member of the family. He is not really needed and he knows this, maybe not consciously, but he knows it. What is his value? Oh, his parents say he is smart, nice, cute and so forth, but what is his value? His parents will tell you he is priceless, but as years pass, if things do not change, he will feel less and less worthy.

Now, consider a child who has regular chores. He has to feed the dog or take out the trash or wipe down the bathroom on [Kids helping with a family building project] a regular basis. He knows he is important--I mean, what would the family do if he wasn't around? The trash would overflow, the dog would starve, the bathroom would be unusable. He KNOWS he is needed. And, his self esteem flows from that knowledge.

What a great gift to give our children. The knowledge that they are important, they are a necessary member of our family and they are learning skills that will serve them well in the years to come.

And this extends beyond parenting. Consider the youth program at a church. The kids are generally "kept" in a youth room, [Photo above: gardening with Grandpa] have adults conjure up lessons and activities calculated to teach kids about the Christian Life, and then a couple of times a year they do a youth service, or a service project or maybe do some type of _____-a-thon [fill in the blank with walk, run, rock, fast--you get the idea].

And what does this teach? That it takes a staff to entertain youth, that they will be part of the church some day, but right now they need to be kept out of the way, in a fun room with lots of supervision. It drives me nuts.

In some places, mostly smaller churches, things look a lot different and I believe the youth have a greater sense of responsibility. Usually, in these churches, the youth are already part of the church. They are working in the nursery [if there is one], singing in the choir [or playing the piano], helping with ground maintenance, teaching Sunday School, bringing snacks for fellowship time..., in short-doing what the adults do. They are important. They are part of the church now, they are involved in the church service regularly not just on youth Sunday. This gives kids a sense of ownership, commitment and a positive self image. They know they are needed. The church benefits and so do the kids-it is a win-win situation.

My husband pastored three churches like this many years ago, and they were awesome churches. Adults, youth, kids--all were brothers and sisters in Christ, working together and worshiping together. Those churches and the people [of all ages]healthy too.

It all goes back to the same issue. Everyone needs to be needed and feel they have value.

Take care,
Jill

Inverse Parenting

Something has been bothering me for a long time and it is what I call "Inverse Parenting." You see it all the time, but I don't know that it really has a name. I thought about this when my kids were little but felt like I needed to try it for a long time to see if my theory was correct. I am not sure this is scientific at all, but my kids are 19-30 [four sons, one daughter] and it has proved true with us.

Good parenting should look like this...Hold your babies close and as they become aware of more, make sure to impose limits and teach right from wrong. Make sure they will mind you...you know when you say they need to do something they do it, they don't say "no" and get away with it. You will have to be diligent as "folly is bound up in the heart of a child."But you must be in control, and they must learn to be under your authority. They will likely be under some authority all their lives, so they may as well learn when they are young.

As the children grow, you can begin to let go, so by the time they are early teens, they have more privileges, can make more decisions, have more freedom. This should increase with age until the child is an adult. At that time, they become accountable to God.

But, what I see is INVERSE PARENTING. This looks like the whole world revolving around the child. The parent asks the child's opinion on many things, lets the child say things that a child ought not say, like "I hate you," or "You can't make me," or "I won't eat this," and so forth. A child may do this and not get away with it, but in inverse parenting the parent looks the other way, or tries to talk the child through it, or thinks it is cute.

As time passes, the child usually becomes more demanding, less respectful of all authority and the parent finds that when the child becomes a young teen they are harder and harder to manage. At this time the parent tries to pull in the reigns, be more strict, set firmer limitations at the very time when they should be letting go. I have seen this over and over again with so many families that I know. And rarely does it work.

These children usually go through a very rebellious teen time, and many times do come out OK in the end, but they sure upset the family in the process. It is so much more enjoyable for the whole family and society in general when the child is obedient in young years. Good parenting is much more likely to produce likable teens and responsible adults than inverse parenting.

I know it is not easy to be consistent with young children. I know it can drain you to correct them and train them-but the rewards are great and I think you owe it to your children.

Take care,
Jill