Chores: The Nitty-gritty

Continuing what I wrote yesterday about allowances... One thing I didn't make clear yesterday is that I do not feel you should tie allowances to chores. Everyone in a family does chores because a family should work together. It encourages industry, team work, a good self image and is valuable training on the road to adulthood. Everyone in the family gets an allowance so they can learn to budget and to save, and to use and [Scotty, 8, taking out recycling and trash] manage money wisely.

So, after that disclaimer, let's get going on how to figure out how to do chores...

Do the same thing you did with the money. Take a few days and write down all the chores around the house. Have your kids and husband make a list too, and then after a few days compile the list. Put things down that are done every day and things that are done maybe once a week. The list could look like this:

• Daily-sweep kitchen floor, unload dishwasher, set table, turn on porch light, pick up toys, feed dog, take out trash, clean out car, do laundry, put clothes away, wipe down bathroom sink, wipe down toilet

• Twice a week: vacuum, dust [this could be dust living room one day, dust another room the other day],

• Weekly: sweep porch, scoop up after dog, mow lawn, dust bedrooms, clean bathroom, water plants

OK, now that you have your list. Divide it up among the abilities of the kids. An easy way is to make index cards with each kid's name and put the chores on the card. You can put it on fridge, or laminate, punch a hole in it and tie them together and hang from a nail. The main thing is it should be written down so you don't have to tell them what to do--for non-readers, draw a picture.

An example of how you might assign the chores:

9 year old: sweep kitchen floor, empty dishwasher, vacuum, fold clothes
6 year old: set table, feed dog, take out trash, dust living room, wash down sink and toilet
3 year old: water outside plants with a squirt bottle, pick up toys [with 6 year old], dust low things, turn on porch light

Also, put weekly chores on their card--maybe to do Thursday afternoon or something. The card can have each day on it with the chores for that day, or daily chores listed in one column and then on Thursday you can list the weekly chore[s]--whatever works for you.

Now, here is the secret of making this work. As much as is logistically possible, everyone works at the same time! Don't you just hate to work and see everyone else sitting around eating cookies? It makes work seem worse than it is, and truly work is good. So, to make it feel like we are team, everyone working together, it needs to be done at the same time. In our house, when the kids were little, we worked after supper. [Many people do this before Dad gets home, but at our house, Dad was always home, so we did it after supper.]

So, after dinner the dish boys would start in on the dishes [2 boys], the laundry boy would fold the clothes [he and I did a couple loads each day, then he folded after supper], Kari pick up living room and vacuumed, Scotty would pick up toys other places and put in kids' rooms, someone fed the dog [I can't remember who]--all at the same time! Everyone worked! [Of course, someone had to set the table before supper, but you get the idea]. Generally this took about 30 minutes. Then the house was picked up, chores done, the kids would take their clean laundry and put it in their drawers and then we could all relax for the evening.

When the kids got to be 10th, 8th, 6th, 2nd and 4 years old, the laundry situation changed and after that everyone did their own laundry. I still did Bob's, Scotty's and mine, but by the time he was about 7 he did his own laundry. Then the chores changed a bit.

I have a friend that has 5 kids 10 and under. A couple of years ago [when they had 4 kids 8 and under] I happened to come in during "The 15 minute Flash." This was about 4:30 on a weekday. The kids were buzzing around like bees--the 8 year old was putting away toys and helping the 2 year old pick up toys too. The 4 year old was setting the table, the 6 year old was emptying the dishwasher--she had just swept the kitchen floor. Their chores as supposed to be done in 15 minutes, so they buzz around and make a race out of it. She actually sets a timer! I talked to one of the kids a few months ago, and they have all moved up in chores. So, some of the easy chores have gone to the next child down, and the older child has moved to harder chores. When the Flash is over, they can play till dinner. I think the dad cleans up the kitchen after dinner.

At any rate, I hope this is helpful. The thing is, start somewhere. You can always change, adjust, re-evaluate--see what works for your family. Also, to keep chores down, we did a lot of color coding. Everyone had one glass, in their specific color, that they used all day for misc. drinks. They had a clean one for milk at supper time, but for water/lemonade, etc. all day long, they used the same cup all day. This minimized the dishes and kept the dishwasher so it wasn't constantly full.

I also went out and bought each person ONE bath towel, each a different color. They used this till I washed them. This prevented the misc. towel on the floor-no one admits whose towel it is. We had pegs in the bathroom and each kid put their towel on a peg. A couple of times a week I did a load of towels and then just re-hung them on the pegs. This saved a LOT of laundry, especially with teen boys showering a lot. I know Martha Stewart would cringe at the lack of color coordination, but it worked for us. Just make sure the towels are all light colors so you can wash them at the same time.

I guess that is it--if you have specific questions, please ask. I hope this helps.

Allowances, the Nitty-gritty...

After reading my posts on kids, chores and allowances, I got this email from my cousin:

"Hi Jill,

"Thanks for telling me about your blog. It's great!! I look forward to reading each entry. "I'd like to draw on your 125 years of parenting and ask you a question. "I didn't have an allowance growing up and I didn't have chores. Let me clarify that I wasn't lazy and always helped my Mom and Dad. If money was ever needed for something, they would pay for it. If I ever got money (gifts), I would save it. Till this day I don't like spending money (I don't even like to shop!). My question is, how should I implement chores and allowance with my kids (9, 6, and 3). They do some things around the house, but I feel like they should be doing more. Since I don't have past experience with it, I'm lost. "Thanks for your help Bluegrass Mom!"

I thought others might be interested in this as well, so today and tomorrow I will speak to her questions:

Glad to hear from you. I sure don't want you to think that everyone has to have an allowance and chores to be successful--I mean, you are doing all right :), but I really do think it teaches so many things like responsibility, self worth, management, team work and so much more. So, here goes my suggestions--take what fits, toss what doesn't.

And, I don't like to shop either!

Well, first things first--and there are really two issues here. Allowance and chores. I guess I will start with allowance. For a three year old, maybe none. I think we usually started with allowance at about 4, but you can use your own judgment. Let me give an example for your nine year old. Take a few days to write down everything you pay for for your nine year old now.

Let me offer some suggestions:

• Gifts: birthday gifts and Christmas gifts for family members. Let's estimate $5.00 for each gift, times number of family members to buy for times 2 [how many gifts each]. So, for a family with 3 kids and 2 parents, this would be $5x4x2=$40 per year. Divide that by how many times you give allowance. In this example, let's say you give allowance every 2 weeks. 40/26=about $1.50.

• Church offering and dues to any activities: like scouts, etc. Let's say $2.50 every 2 weeks. Perhaps you don't have dues in the summer, if so, figure that in. [An alternative is things like dues could be taken out of a family "dues" can. Mom and Dad could fund with change, so that child can take dues out of it. The can could be for milk/lunch money too, if you do that.Whatever seems to work for your family is fine.

• Spending money: Figure what you normally hand out--candy bars, little toys when you are at Wal-Mart, garage sale money, soda--think through what you buy for the kids and how much your normally spend for this type of thing. Let's say $1.00 every two weeks.

• Money to save: Do your kids save up for bigger things like a team hat [Scotty used to spend almost all extra money on Packer's hats], new baseball, craft items, etc.? If so, add that amount so they actually have some money to save to buy bigger things. Let's say $1.00 each payday.

Anything else you can think of. I can't think of anything else, so let's add it up.

Every two weeks:
$1.50+$2.50+$1.00+$1.00=$6.00 [if you don't have a dues can]. If this sounds about right, then that would be for one child, let's say the 9 year old, then you would scale down for the 6 year old, perhaps $4.00 per week.

Every birthday the amount is raised, more privileges, more responsibility.

The other thing is you don't just hand this money over. You can use the envelope method or the three bank method, or whatever works, but you help your child to distribute the money in the category it is for. So, the gift money goes in a gift envelope to accumulate, the spend money in a spend bank, and so forth. This helps them budget and limit their spending.


[Kari, 8th birthday, growing in responsibility]
I know when Scotty started getting his clothing allowance monthly [he was about ten or eleven] he could not use the money without getting approval-otherwise it would have all gone for hats. We had to set a limit of 2 hats a year with clothes money. So, make adjustments as you see fit.

Tomorrow I will speak to the question of how to figure out and assign chores.

Take care,
Jill

The Nitty-Gritty of giving allowances...

After reading my entry about the value of giving allowances and doing chores, I got an email from my cousin that said:

"I'd like to draw on your 125 years of parenting and ask you a question.

"I didn't have an allowance growing up and I didn't have chores. Let me clarify that I wasn't lazy and always helped my Mom and Dad. If money was ever needed for something, they would pay for it. If I ever got money (gifts), I would save it. Till this day I don't like spending money (I don't even like to shop!). My question is, how should I implement chores and allowance with my kids (9, 6, and 3). They do some things around the house, but I feel like they should be doing more. Since I don't have past experience with it, I'm lost.

"Thanks for your help Bluegrass Mom!"

I thought, if she had questions, others will to, so I thought I would address this question today and tomorrow. Here is what I wrote back:

I don't like to shop either.

Well, first things first--and there are really two issues here. Allowance and chores. I guess I will start with allowance and we can talk about chores tomorrow.

For a three year old, maybe none. I think we usually started with allowance at about 4, but you can use your own judgment. Let me give an example for your nine year old. Take a few days to write down everything you pay for for your nine year old now.

Let me offer some suggestions:

• Gifts: birthday gifts and Christmas gifts for family members. Let's estimate $5.00 for each gift, times number of family members to buy for, times 2 [how many gifts each]. So, for a family with 3 kids and 2 parents, this would be $5x4x2=$40 per year. Divide that by how many times you give allowance. In this example, let's say you give allowance every 2 weeks. 40/26=about $1.50.

• Church offering and dues to any activities: like scouts, etc. Let's say $2.50 every 2 weeks. Perhaps you don't have dues in the summer, if so, figure that in. [An alternative is things like dues could be taken out of a family "dues" can. Mom and Dad could fund with change, so that child can take dues out of it. The can could be for milk/lunch money too, if you do that. Whatever seems to work for your family is fine.]

• Spending money: Figure what you normally hand out--candy bars, little toys when you are at Wal-Mart, garage sale money, soda--think through what you buy for the kids and how much your normally spend for this type of thing. Let's say $1.00 every two weeks.

• Money to save: Do your kids save up for bigger things like a team hat [Scotty used to spend almost all his extra money on Packer's hats], new baseball/basketball, bell for bike, craft items, etc.? If so, add that amount so they actually have some money to save to buy bigger things. Let's say $1.00 each payday.

Anything else you can think of. I can't think of anything else, so let's add it up.

Every two weeks:
$1.50+$2.50+$1.00+$1.00=$6.00 [if you don't have a dues can]. If this sounds about right, then that would be for the 9 year old, then you would scale down for the 6 year old, perhaps $4.00 per week [maybe less expensive presents, less spending, no dues, whatever].

Every birthday the amount is raised, but with more privileges there comes more responsibility.

The other thing is you don't just hand this money over. You can use the envelope method or the three bank method, or whatever works, but you help your child to distribute the money in the category it is for. So, the gift money goes in a gift envelope to accumulate, the spending money in a spending bank, and so forth. This helps them budget and limit their spending.

I know when Scotty started getting his clothing allowance monthly [he was about ten or eleven] he could not use the money without getting approval-otherwise it would have all gone for hats. We had to set a limit of 2 hats a year with clothes money. So, make adjustments as you see fit.

Tomorrow: The Nitty-Gritty of chores.

Take care,
Jill

Kari 8th birthday-growing responsibilities

Kids, allowances and money...

Money is a funny thing.

It is essential, it is limited, and for most of us, the more we have, the more we spend.

Daughter teaching a craft class to little girls

For kids, it is almost magical. Most kids, especially younger children, don't have any idea of the time and effort it takes to actually get money, or the capacity to understand how to use it wisely.

I am a firm believer in regular allowances for young children and salaries for older children/teens. I hear some of you gasp, but
honestly, I don't know how kids can learn to budget, save and spend if they don't have a regular amount of money coming in. I don't think it has to be a lot of money, but it needs to be enough that they can learn to manage it. I have seen the articles saying that a child should get $1 for every year of age, per week, to spend. Honestly, we NEVER gave anywhere near that amount for 2 weeks.

If a 7 year old gets $2.00 every payday--let's say twice a month--and he has to buy any snacks and toys for himself out of it, plus put 10% aside for savings and perhaps a percentage aside to give away, he is learning valuable lessons for less than $50 a year. Not only that, but if he really wants something that costs more than a few bucks, he either has to save for quite a while, wait for his birthday or find a way to generate income on his own. We found our kids could be quite resourceful in finding ways to earn income.

Our daughter babysat starting at about nine years old [she was at a neighbor's and I was home], a few of our children started mowing lawns at age ten and as a family we had a bread baking business for a few years and the children earned money this way. You have heard of the lemon aid stand--some of our kids did that too, or different variations of it. They would ask if I had any extra chores they could do to earn extra money, and so on. I want to talk about chores, but I think that will have to wait for a later blog.

As children age, they should be given more responsibility, as well as more money to manage. It is part of learning to be a responsible citizen. I have seen well meaning parents rant and rave about why kids should not get allowances "They don't need to get paid for doing their chores!" and then hand the

Youngest son selling and enjoying Coke

child a $10 bill whenever the child or young teen asked for it. That kind of money management leaves me shaking my head. I mean, what does that teach? I think it teaches kids to be dependent on someone else to find mercy and give them something for nothing. It does not teach them to save, or plan or have a sense of responsibility about money. It teaches them that dad or mom is a money tree.

Our kids didn't get paid for chores. They had to do their chores. Period. They couldnt' say, "I don't want to wash the
dishes, so don't pay me as much." They had to do their chores, and we gave them an allowance because they were part of our family, and family members get an allowance.

As the kids aged, when they got to about twelve, the allowance stopped, and a "salary' was instituted. I got this idea from my parents, who did this with my younger sister. I thought it was a great idea.

We sat down with each twelve year old and talked about how they are getting older and so forth. At this time, if we hadn't done it earlier, they opened a checking account and we went to the county clerk's office and got them a state ID. It looks like a driver's license, but they couldn't drive.

Then we wrote down their expenses...things like clothes, youth group expenses, entertainment, gifts, giving, lunch money and so on. We estimated that cost for a month. Then every month we paid them that amount. If a youth trip came up, they had to pay for it themselves. They did not ask us for money, they did not expect us to take them shopping for new shoes or clothes. That became their responsibility. Obviously we still took them shopping, but they could decide where and what they needed to buy and they payed for it themselves.

What usually happened is that if they wanted the latest-greatest tennis shoes they needed to save and probably needed to make some outside income. If they needed/wanted something big, and they talked to us about it, sometimes we would go half with them. My dad called this "writing a grant" and it is something he did with my older kids and with me as an adult from time to time. If we wrote down what we wanted, the price and why we wanted it, he would evaluate and might go half on it. We did not have our kids write the grant, but they did have to come to us with the request and have good ideas for wanting us to go half. Usually it was something big, like a bike or lawnmower or perhaps a big trip.

You don't have to give the kids a lot of money. Our income has always been limited. My husband was the sole bread winner and we had five kids...so we did not hand over lots and lots of money. Actually with a salary, a parent probably spends less because you are not financing every activity, birthday party present and so forth. The kids learn to save and be creative--kind of like "real life." And, you should see how happy they are when you buy them new socks or some sheets for their beds! They do not take these things for granted.

The goal is to help them understand how to manage their money responsibly. I would be naive to think that all my kids applied everything we taught them and never had any money issues after they left home. I am sure my kids have struggled with money, just like most of us--but I think they know the principles that will work, they know how to get on track, how to manage money and not be held a slave to it.

Take care,
Jill

Daughter Kari on far right. She is weaving bookmarks on a homemade loom. She and two friends were vendors at craft fair. This was great business experience. I think she was about 12 at the time.